| Mar15.04J
I'm
having a great week for my music - a fun week. Charleen says,
"That's good, but you need to spend time on your book too.
She's right and yesterday I put in a good six hours. I'm still
in 1969, but 16 year old Lorri Paulos and I have broken up and
I'm into a relationship with Stephanie Sarno, a beautiful Italian
girl, whose family owns Sarno's restaurant and Italian bakery
on Vermont. She was a dark and very mysterious lady. The relationship
didn't last long but it was colorful. I gave her a journal and
she wrote in it a lot. I've managed to find some copies I made
of pages in her journal. This is part of the Stephanie section.
I had dinner at Sarno's and Stephanie was the hostess. I asked
for her phone number and called her a lot.
I talked to Stephanie on the phone for a good hour today. I told
her I need a guitar string - so she bought a G string and brought
it over to me. Any excuse, just to get her over here. I opened
the door and she came in, looking really good in her tight jeans
and tube top. I said, Stephanie, I sure want to fuck you, lady."
She said, "no, I'm not the right one for you. You need my
girlfriend Joelle. She really likes you and wants to fuck you.
I'll send her over so you two can ball."
I answered, 'No, that's cool - don't bother. I don't know why
she is trying to push her friend on me, when she's the one I want.
Stephanie's family owns Sarno's Restaurant and Bakery on Vermont.
Bob Gover called and said, "I'm back into the play and it's
going really well. I want you to make a tape of all the songs
in the order that I want to use them. I promised to get a tape
done as soon as possible.
Stephanie called me again and then came over and bought a lid
from me. Again she said "if you want Joelle, I'll send her
over. I said no and Stephanie split.
Lorrie called. She said, "I don't know how to relate to
you anymore. I loved being on the ranch (commune) with Ephram
and Carol, (her step brother and son of Murray Korngold, founder
of the Free Clinic). I wanted to stay and have a baby, but Ephram
said no. I guess I have to learn how to live and cope with the
city life on my own before I become independent."
I called Joelle and she wanted to come and see me, but seemed
hesitant. I called Stephanie and asked her if she knew where I
could borrow a typewriter. She said she would borrow one from
her uncle and bring it to me later today.
I'm supposed to take Biff Rose to LA Free School today to talk
to Ed Moritz about Biff performing at a benefit for LA Free School.
I called Biff to see if he could pick me up. He said we'd have
to do it another day. I'm afraid he is punking out on me. LA Free
School is hurting and in danger of having to close. Ed is putting
pressure on me to come up with good musicians who will donate
their talents for a benefit show to raise funds.
Tuesday, May 7 - 1969 - I got Rob off for school with Keith at
about ten minutes till eight. I made coffee and got Wes dressed,
then called Dorothy. She has arranged for us to record at a friends
house this week sometime.
I
called Stephanie and asked about the typewriter and she will get
it tonight and come over. Sherill came and brought back a clip
board that she borrowed when she was rehearsing with Paul Williams
band. She wanted to fuck, even though I'm not turned on to her,
I fucked her anyway. The fact that she refuses to give head doesn't
help matters any. Her old man is selling me back my own car. It's
the old Ford that I left by John's house a year ago - John got
the car in his name somehow and then sold it to David, and now
I'm buying back my own car because it's all I can afford.
Lorri is supposed to come by today and pick up all her things.
I did a load of clothes at the laundramat, then came back and
called Biff. Ed called him and they are getting together today
about the benefit.
Gerri called today and said she took my suggestion and tried
out with Daisy's band. Dorothy turned her on to that opportunity
because she couldn't cope with having another chick in our band.
Daisy gave Gerri some songs to learn. I hope it works out for
her. Sherill came back as second time. She offered to break down
and give me head, but I shood her out because Stephanie is coming
over. Damn! - If I'd known I had a couple of hours I would have
taken her up on it.
Wes
is taking a nap while I finish a portrait of Ellie Korngold. Then
I began a new one called the Pied Piper. Wes and I took a bath
and both washed our hair. It's hell when your four year old son
has a Whacker on him that is damn near as big as your own. Wes
did a nice drawing which I hung on the wall. I wrote Buzz and
Barney. They are Disc jockeys in Denver.
I
called Sereta to see how she is doing. She is having surgery to
remove a cyst under her arm. She said that Diane is back in the
hospital after one more mental collapse. Stephanie and Joelle
came over asking for a lid of herb, but I'm out. I shared a number
with them. Stephanie acts like she is coming on to me, but when
I try to move on her, she holds back and tries to get me and Joelle
together. Joelle is a topless dancer which to me means that she's
been around the block a time or two. Yet she acts like she is
afraid of me. Dorothy called and cancelled our rehearsal. She
sounded really strange and distant. Before Steph and Joelle left,
I asked if Stephanie could get me some acid. Joelle said she would
drop by later and drop acid with me. That was a real surprise
- but Stephanie called back and said Joelle wasn't coming. …..(we
jump ahead)…
Thursday,
May 9 - 1969 - I called Stephanie and then Wes and I went over
to see her. She gave me a red (downer). Stephanie said she and
Joelle might be over later. Wes and I met Dorothy for lunch. Afterward,
the three of us had our picture taken in a 50 cent booth. Dorothy
went back to work and Wes and I headed home. By the time we got
there the red was really kicking in and I became extremely horny.
I called Stephanie and said, "that red has kicked in and
I want to fuck you bad." She answered, "I'll be right
over." When Steph got there I told Rob that he and Wes must
stay in the yard or come back in the house. Rob said they would.
Stephanie and I fucked and sucked from three PM until about 8.
That's the first time I've ever taken a downer. I had no idea
they could turn you into a sexual marathon man. Far fucking out.
Stephanie left and I made supper for the kids and got them dressed
for bed. Then Dorothy showed up and we had a great rehearsal.
She wrote a new song to some of my poetry and it sounds great.
After playing for a couple of hours we smoked some more, balled
and crashed.
Friday, May 10-1969 - The Eagle shat today. I took Rob to school
and then dropped off Lorri's belongings at her house. On the way
back down the hill I passed Murray Korngold headed home in his
Morgan Drop Head Coupe. He looked right at me as we passed but
he ignored my wave. I'm sure he is dying to know what I was doing
at his house. I seem to threaten the man.
When I got home I called Steph and asked her to come over - She
is lieing here beside me while I write. I dig her head - the way
she thinks - the way we relate. It's really nice to have found
a groovy new friend - especially when she is so beautiful and
makes love so well - she knows all the moves.
Saturday May 11, 1969 - My land lord Pete turned me on to three
lids plus some acid. The lids were full ounces for $10.00 each.
He threw the acid in for free. Kyle Lind came and we jammed. Steph
came by - we got smashed and really got it on. She sure digs fucking,
but look whose talking. We went next door and tripped with Pete
and Angie. Pete is the strangest mix of "biker" and
"hippie" culture I've ever met. He loves hanging out
with hippy types and going to love ins. But then he rides with
"Satan's Slaves" and packs a 38 that he says he would
have no problem wasting someone that the gang wanted him to hit.
Whether or not that is true or simply bravado, I don't know. We
smoked another doobie, then came back home and fucked some more.
I've decided that I want Stephanie to stay - permanently.
Sunday,
May 12-1969 - I went to Dorothy's and rapped it all down to her
- and she dug its. She said it was cool with her and she said
to gives her love to Steph. When I got home, we had Angie watch
the kids. We went to her mother's and left a lid and got some
of her things. We rapped with Mark and Joelle for a few minutes
and then we went to Biff's and showed him the painting of the
"Moon Lady". We smoked and rapped for a while, then
came home. We put the kids to bed, had a cup of coffee and crashed
after making beautiful love.
We're
going to have a baby. Stephanie is so beautiful and so fine -
and her head is on straight. I feel more together in this relationship
than any in my life. Dorothy called. She sounded like she was
in good head space. She will be over later. We're going to get
film for Rob's camera and then go to David and Sherill's so he
can take pictures of us. We just finished balling, I love making
love in the sunlight and I love Stephanie. She had a Tarot reading
a week ago which told her she would be making a sudden move and
meet the main cat in her life - and get pregnant. So that's where
it's at. It's a lazy lovely Sunday.
Monday,
May 13 - 1969 - We all went in the car to take Rob to school.
Lorri saw us drive up and ran out to the car. I introduced Stephanie
to her. Lorri kissed me and gave me the silver ring she had caste
for me. She told me that she can't ball for a while because I
messed up her pussy with my large cock. I said, "You'll be
ok as long as you can still give good head." Lorri agreed
and asked, "Would you like me to give you head right now?"
I said, "Sure."
We
left Stephanie and Wes in the car and went into the trees behind
the school. Lorri gave me head like it was really important. She
literally drove my cock down her throat and threw up all over
both of us. For some reason her intensity turned me off. I wasn't
able to cum and finally asked her to stop. After cleaning up we
walked back out to the car and got Stephanie and I walked towards
the class rooms so I could see Ed for a minute and retrieve Wes
who had run off to play. I asked Steph to find Wes and she headed
around the corner of one of the portable class rooms. Lorri asked,
"Can I do something I've been wanting to do very badly."
I said, "Sure." Lorri wound up with a closed fist haymaker
that struck along side my head - sending my glasses flying a good
8 feet away and into the bushes. I knew that I had hurt her feelings
and she had a right to be angry. I didn't react - I retrieved
my glasses and we walked on. Lorri cried and clung to me when
we left. My head was throbbing all the way home.
I love Stephanie so strong and deep that it moves me to tears
writing it down. It puts a hall of warmth deep in my belly. We
rolled and smoked with Pete after doing the shopping. Rob came
home with Keith and asked if he could go to their house for supper.
Stephanie is so beautiful. I love to look at every part of her
body. I love to touch her skin and her beautiful face. I bath
in the depth of her deep dark eyes.
We
went to see Phyllis ( Stephanie's mother) and took the kids who
freaked around the house playing cowboys and Indians. We rapped
Mark and Joelle, Brian, Vincent and Phyllis. We all got high,
then Steph and I and the kids split down to the Blue Grotto. We
met john Hammond, a heavy scorpio who read our Tarot. He laid
heavy warm words of love and fortitude on us. The kids got bored
and went out to the car and crashed. When we went home we brought
Pete hamburgers and a coke but forgot the TV guide that he asked
us to get.
My
relationship with Stephanie feels right - looks right and everything
we turn to says it's right. Joelle called and asked for her blanket
that we borrowed, so we asked Pete and Angie to watch the kids.
On the way to Phyllis's we stopped at Tom's and picked up my guitar
that he borrowed. I sang my songs for Phyllis and she liked them.
On the way back we got a TV guide for Pete. I rapped my trip on
Pete. He dug it and thanked me for making it clear that Stephanie
was off limits. He said that he had the same problem with every
cat he met wanting to ball Angie. I took that as a compliment.
Pete is heavy into the violence trip. On one hand he says he doesn't
believe in pushing people or forcing his trip on them - but then
he draws a line beyond which if anyone steps, he feels he has
to "hold his mud" as he calls it. Then if they don't
back off, then It's time for violence. But in a strange way he
is reluctant to start the violence. He says the first blow is
a punk blow because it sends a shot of adrenalin through the body
of the one who is hit. Pete says when he is hit by that first
blow, his whole body turns on to the trip - and the violence he
gives back is 100 times heavier than it would be if he threw the
punk blow. He made it sound like a special kind of high - like
being on acid
Tuesday, May 14 - 1969 - I tried to wake Rob up for school at
7 AM, but he wanted to sleep in and asked if he could skip school.
We all went back to sleep and got up at 9 AM. Stephanie fixed
scrambled eggs and we all took our vitamins and had instant breakfast
to drink. We are going to Bob Gover's as soon as Wes gets out
of the bathtub. I washed his hair this morning.
I called Sherill and David, but they don't have a proof sheet
of the pictures he took of us yet. I gave Steph a surprise last
night. It's a leather bound journal. I pulled it out from under
my pillow and gave it to her. She actually started writing in
it right there in bed.
I
got Wes dried off and into clean clothes, then we piled into the
car. When we got to Gover's, Bob and Jeannelle we tense - probably
having a tiff. Stephanie and I piled back into the car and drove
down to Hermosa. We had to park five blocks away from the strand
and took the kids down to the beach, but it was cold and miserable
and I walked back to get the car and took it down by the Sea Sprite
Motel. Steph and I sat in the car and we wrote in our journals
while we watched the kids building sand castles. I'm vaguely depressed
and paranoid. I feel like I'm losing Stephanie. I must remember
- only good can come from this relationship. I need to focus on
the trip and enjoy every minute I have with this beautiful girl.
Friday
May 17, 1969 (Stephanie's Journal) Bob took to car to have the
brakes fixed today. Pete, the landlord came over. We had a long
conversation about the vibes that are coming down. The vibes are
very strong, but as far as I'm concerned, it's only a sexual thing.
It's going to be hard to get him to understand that I am very
much in love with Bob Harvey. There is no desire to carry through
with that vibe with Pete. He spends a lot of time projecting his
fantasies on me. He said, "Everytime you move, you move to
turn me on."
Well, that's his trip. I don't operate like that. If I was going
to come on to him, there are more subtle ways of doing it. Brian
(my old boy friend) called me today to see how I'm doing. He wants
to talk to me and I guess there are a few things that must be
said.
Bob has had a deeper effect on me than anyone in my life. Just
three weeks ago, there I was living the most important desire
in my life. To have Brian Monsour, the greatest man I've known
in my life. Then along came Bob Harvey. Brian was no longer the
important one. The attraction to Bob was so strong it took me
right away from a very heavy relationship, and it wasn't just
a superficial infatuation. It had become deep and was getting
deeper all the time. The acid trip that Brian and I took showed
me exactly How deep the emotion went, and it was heavy. But there
is no comparison to the feeling I am experiencing now. No matter
what Bob does or wants I'm behind him. I'll die for him.
Astrologically
speaking, I'm not due for "The experience" until 1971
or 1972. It's because of that forecast that I think this relationship
may not be a long one, but who knows. The only thing to do is
let everything flow until everything becomes one. At that point
the decision is final. When your dealing with highly evolved souls,
things can become very complicated. The problem is that because
the "old souls" are not walking around all over the
place. They have to constantly bring themselves down to a much
lower level in order to communicate. This is where sensitivity
is so important. If there is no sensitivity, the old soul can't
cope.
I'm
sitting in the sand by the Sea Sprite Motel in Hermosa. Robby
and Wes are a few feet away building sand castles. Joelle called
this morning and said Gregg possibly has hepatitis. At the moment
I reel rather fucked up. My sore throat is back, my eyes look
yellow. Fuck, that's all the hell I need, is to be carrying Hepatitis.
Especially because of Bob and the kids. Shit, I'm just freezing
my ass off. Bob just went to get the car so we could sit in it
and write while the kids play.
I just talked with two young boys. So many young boys and so
few men. I believe that is the result of immature women. It's
their conditioning to bring up weak immature males. A woman has
the power to make or break a man. Somewhere in the process of
evolution, women got their wires crossed. It's my opinion, as
a woman, that the problem began at the point when education became
important for woman. Then, instead of becoming a companion for
man, she became his rival.
The
education was important so that she could communicate with man,
have the tools to understand, and have the awareness it takes
to a part of him - not attack him. Consequently, the reason for
educating women was put on a very unnatural premise. Woman became
so full of themselves, they wanted to go out and show mankind
that she was just as much a man as he was. The result has been
several generations of castrated men walking around. Where the
fuck is that at? We're here to make life easier for man, not destroy
him. If a man has the companionship of a woman that really loves
him. And then if she lets him know it through actions, not just
meaningless words. Then I truly believe that there's not a fucking
thing in the world he can't do - as long as there is someone with
a with a universe full of love for him, then he has the strength
and security he needs to do anything he wants.
Bob finally came back with the car. We're sitting in the car
by with the motor running. Robby and Wes are a few feet away having
a ball. The feeling of not being able to reach out to someone
and grasp them when the feeling is supreme
I went to my mother's yesterday. Joelle, Brian and Vice were
all stoned on acid. I sat down and started talking to Brian. Joelle
went on a very defensive trip. She feels like I took Bob out from
under her nose. Now she thinks I'll do the same thing with Brian.
In the first place, I tried to get Bob to take Joelle, but he
only wanted me. She can have Brian, but she can't cut me off from
being his friend.
Bob seems to be going through some heavy changes. He said that
when I left to go to my mother's, he was brought almost to the
point of tears wanting me to come back to him. He said he felt
like I was never going to come back.
I opened the "I Ching"
"What
is easy, is easy to know; what is simple, is easy to follow. He
who is easy to know attains fealty. He who is easy to follow attains
works. He who possesses attachment can endure for long; he who
possesses works can become great. To endure is the disposition
of the sage; greatness is the field of action of the sage."
That is page 420 - double spaced pages. That is the end of the
notes I have from Stephanie's journal. Damn I wish I had more.
In the box of journals that was destroyed in the fire at Ron Roger's
was the original leather bound journal that Stephanie had filled
with her thoughts and poetry. The loss of that journal was as
painful as the 30 journals of my own that went up in smoke.
This
has been a special time with the music this last couple of weeks.
First I found lyrics and music to a song called "Poor Girl."
I wrote the lyrics in October of 1965 when I was breaking up with
my wife Jo. I felt very guilty for leaving her and the two boys,
but the pull to the music was stronger than my guilt trip. I wrote
the words while I was still in Jefferson Airplane. In January
1966, after leaving the group, I got together with my friend Bill
Sievers who was putting Sopwith Camel together. Together we turned
the lyrics to "Poor Girl" into a very nice song. So
38 years later I pull out the song sheet and begin working with
it. I got together with Joel Bridges and together we reworked
the song into a very pleasing tune. It starts out with the singer
talking to a female who has been jilted by a heartless man as
if the singer were just an onlooker. At the end of the song, it
turns out that the singer is himself the cad who deserted her.
I've completed the instrument tracks and have a lead vocal and
a second harmony completed. Now all I need is a third harmony
track and the song will be complete and ready to send of to TAXI.
Next
I found a tape with my friend Craig Lee and I playing several
songs we wrote together. The tape was recorded at Cal Arts where
I was taking a class and where Craig was attending full time.
The song I found on the tape is called, "Icy Fingertips".
I began working with it and was amazed at how good it was. I began
looking on the internet for Craig Lee and sure enough I found
a site in his memory. He was a music and movie reviewer for the
LA Times. Unfortunately I'm too late to tell him of my find. Craig
died of aids in 1991. I sent an email and a copy of the lyrics
to "Icy Fingertips" to Jack Marguette, the web master
of the memorial site. Jack liked the lyrics enough to put it up
bold on page one of the site. I'm very pleased. Look the site
up at
www.theoretical.com/craig.html.
Here are the lyrics to both songs:
ICY FINGER TIPS©1970
By Bob Harvey & Craig Lee
Am/Though you are C/gone, you linger D/on
B7/A fantasy - inE/side of me
Am/Your smile is C/still, my wish is D/done
I'm B7/left to hold what E/cannot be
Chorus Em/You hold my spirit in you're A/icy fingertips
Em/You hug me to your world -
till F/my composure slips
Then my G/cover pulls and rips
While your B7/starin' in my E/trips
Am/I'll live my C/life the way I D/choose
B7/I'll love all things - the way that E/I've loved you
Am/your image C/fades your race is D/through
Your B7/memory's now - all I have E/left of you
Chorus Em/You hold my spirit in you're A/icy fingertips
Em/You hug me to your world -
till F/my composure slips
Then my G/cover pulls and rips
While your B7/starin' in my E/trips
Friday - February 27, 2004
Poor Girl By Robert Harvey William Sievers Joel Bridges
Em/Poor girl, you did the Am/best you could
C/I know you /know that he's no B7/good
Em/Poor girl, you trusted Am/what he said
C/You feel as though you might as well be B7/dead
C/Don't think it's B7/you who should have E/stayed girl
Em/Poor girl, now go & Am/have your fun
C/Go on pretend it's you who've really B7/won
Em/Poor girl, forget that Am/7th son
Cause C/don't you know that he would onlyB7/run
C/You know he B7 took you just for Em/ fun
Chorus
C/Just smile & D/don't G/feel E/lost
C/You don't have to D/pay the E/cost
C/His tormented D/soul - now G/storm E/tossed
C/It's his D/loss - not E/yours girl
EmPoor girl, now Am/ don't you cry
Now C/I will tell you B7/why
Em/Poor Girl, he never Am/was the one
C/When his fun is done your touch he'll B7/shun
C/You know his cold cold B7/ heart would freeze the Em/sun
Em/Poor Girl, he's not worth even Am/part of you
C/I can see -- your pain has turned a shade of B7/blue
Em/Poor Girl, you're a bird that Am/must be free
C/Wait and see -- they're not all like B7/me
C/Someday you'll be B7/glad I set you Em/free
Bob
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